Note to William Snakesneer: something is wrong with your Facebook and I can’t message you.
Mr. Beaker, the science teacher, stood majestically at the head of the class in front of a counter cluttered with a Bunsen burner, test tubes, flasks and other important scientific paraphernalia. He wore a white laboratory smock, as befits a great man of science. Behind him, on the blackboard, were written these important words in large letters: RADIO WAVES — BEACONS IN SPACE. Linda and Stretch were once again seated together on stools at a work bench at the front of the class. They were paying far more attention to each other than to the lecture.
Mr. Beaker was pontificating. “And I submit to you that the space age did not begin with the launching of Sputnik by the Soviets. Nor did it begin with the landing of our brave astronauts on the moon. Our planet entered the space age with the discovery of radio waves and the beaming of information into the cosmos. A galactic traveler forty light years away could tune in television programs such as Rin Tin Tin or The Lone Ranger and use those signals as a guiding beacon to home in on our planet Earth. This same traveler could learn our language and become familiar with our customs. In fact, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least to see an alien being of tremendous intellectual capacity step right through that doorway. Mr. Beaker pointed dramatically to the door. The eyes of all the students widened in suspense as the doorknob slowly began to turn. The door opened slightly and Tommy poked his head through. Spaz, seated by himself in the back of the class was immensely relieved.
“That’s not a being with intellectual capacity,” Spaz said, the stress and tension completely dissipating from him. “It’s Tommy.”
“Thanks a lot, Spaz,” said Tommy sourly. He stepped into the science classroom.
“Sit down, Tinkle,” warned Mr. Beaker. “You’re tardy.”
“It’s Dinkle. With a D.”
“It’ll be a D, all right, if you show up tardy again this semester.”
Tommy looked around the room and saw Stretch again sitting next to his beloved Linda. Stretch once again motioned to the back of the room where the only empty stool sat next to Spaz. Tommy walked to the back of the room and sat down.
“As an exercise in creative thinking,” Mr. Beaker continued, “your assignment for tonight will be a simple one. You will pair up with the person next to you and simply view the constellations. I’ll expect a one page report on your activities the day after tomorrow.”
Linda turned to Stretch. “That means you’re my partner,” she said with enthusiasm, picturing in her mind both Stretch and his shiny yellow Corvette.
“Great,” responded Stretch with equal enthusiasm, picturing something else entirely.
“That means you’re my partner,” Spaz said to Tommy with immense enthusiasm.
“Great,” muttered Tommy morosely.
“Please take this assignment seriously, students. Who knows what changes could occur in your life or what inspiration could enter into your hearts under the influence of a full moon surrounded by a sea of shimmering stars?
Linda and Stretch looked at each other and smiled. In the back of the room, Spaz whispered to Tommy. “If extra-terrestrial beings did visit our planet after watching the Lone Ranger, what do you think they’d look like?”
“That’s hard to say, Spaz. They’d probably all be wearing masks.”
___
Three hundred miles off the coast of California a carrier battle group, comprised of the aircraft carrier USS Millard Fillmore and six other warships, cruised effortlessly westward at 25 knots under a clear, cloudless sky. The Nimitz-class carrier reached twenty stories above the surface of the water and was a marvel of modern design and engineering. It was capable of launching up to four aircraft in less than a minute by using powerful steam catapults, affectionately known by the crew as Fat Cats. Powered by two nuclear propulsion plants, the ship could operate for up to twenty years without the need for refueling. The number of personnel required to operate the carrier was more than the entire population of Tootville. The ship even boasted two barbershops and its own zip code. In the electronic warfare center the sophisticated tracking and monitoring equipment was arranged neatly on one side of the room. An alarm sounded as the officer-in-charge walked past an operations specialist who was staring at a slick-32 console, the device that allowed the specialist to interface with the system.
“Sir, the system has detected an unidentified aircraft approaching from the west,” she said. “I’ve accessed all of our information databases, but I still can’t identify it.”
“Let’s take a look at that console,” said the officer.
“It’s fast, sir,” said the specialist.
The officer-in-charge whistled. “Nothing we have can move that fast. It must be Soviet made.”
The officer picked up a phone. “We have a bogey four hundred fifty miles out approaching fast from the west. Request a couple of Hornets be scrambled to check it out.”
Inside the pilot’s quarters an alarm sounded. Gilly and Tadpole jumped up from their bunks and headed toward a hatchway. “Drill time,” said Gilly. Gilly and Tadpole raced down a corridor. As they approached an elevator, they were met by their commander. “Gilly, Tadpole, you’re going up.”
“Right, sir,” said Tadpole.
From the flight deck of the carrier, two F-18 Hornets were launched in rapid succession. Inside the electronic warfare center, the operations specialist remained riveted to her seat with her eyes glued on the screen. “Two-fifty and closing, sir. It must be doing mach eight.”
Now ten thousand feet up, the two F-18s streaked toward their objective. Gilly sat at the controls of the lead fighter heading west while the unidentified aircraft was monitored from the carrier.
“Blue leader, this is home base. You’re on target. You should have a visual.”
“I copy, home base,” responded Gilly. “Tadpole, what do you think it is?”
“Probably part of a satellite that broke up. There’s a lot of space junk up there.”
“Good thinking. You may be right.”
The operations specialist, still monitoring the bogey, suddenly said, “It’s stopped, sir.”
“What?”
“It’s not moving.”
From inside the cockpit of his F-18, Gilly spotted something. “Home base, we have a visual. Holy Moly, will you look at that?” he exclaimed in amazement. “I don’t believe it.” Hovering motionless in the air was a gleaming, metallic saucer-shaped spacecraft over two hundred feet in length.
“What is it, Blue Leader? Report.”
The two Hornets flashed by the spacecraft which still hung motionless above the Pacific. “This is going to be tough to describe, Home Base,” said Gilly. “I’ve never seen anything like it before. I think we ought to keep our distance until we know exactly what it is.”
“I’m going back by for another look,” announced Tadpole.
“No, you’re not, Tadpole.”
“Just a quick look, Gilly. I’ll be back before you can count to three.”
Tadpole’s F-18 swung around and headed back toward the spacecraft. As it approached, a portal opened up on the rear edge of the gleaming saucer.
“Tadpole, get back here. That’s an order.” Gilly brought his aircraft around in a large circle to keep the strange object in view.
“One…two…” counted Tadpole.
Tadpole’s aircraft neared the spacecraft. Suddenly, a laser beam shot from the open portal of the saucer and scored a direct hit on the Hornet.
“Three…AAAAH!” Tadpole’s aircraft exploded in a ball of flame and fell toward the blue water below.
“What the devil is going on up there, Blue Leader?”
“He’s gone,” said Gilly, dazed. “It blew him away. It just blew him away.” Gilly turned his F-18 Hornet and streaked directly toward the spacecraft.
“Get away from that thing, Blue Leader. Withdraw. Withdraw.”
“It just blew him away,” the Blue Leader repeated, this time with anger in his voice. Gilly armed one of his two sidewinder missiles, locked it on target, and pressed his finger down on the fire button. The missile streaked from the underside of the F-18s wing toward the spacecraft. It struck the side of the ship and exploded. Smoke began to pour from a gaping hole in the side of the alien craft.
“It’s a hit!” yelled Gilly.
A blast of laser fire issued from the portal of the spacecraft. It struck Gilly’s F-18 Hornet, which instantly disintegrated. Small flaming fragments of the aircraft dropped down toward the ocean to join Tadpole. The portal closed on the spacecraft. The alien ship turned and with black smoke still pouring from the hole streaked toward the mainland.
___
In the classroom, Mr. Beaker lectured on to an uninterested class. “…and the orbit of many of these small bodies takes the form of an ellipse – That is to say, a closed curve in the form of a symmetrical oval.”
Tommy, in the back of the class, stared blankly out the window. Spaz had his head down on the counter but the sound of a faraway explosion woke him up. “What was that?”
“Sonic boom. Go back to sleep.”
The spacecraft lay smoking in the morning sunlight in a wooded area near the Tootville Ridge. Trees and plants were strewn across a small clearing in the woods where the alien ship had impacted. Thick black smoke issued from the gaping gash in the side of the craft. A small pine, uprooted by the crash landing of the saucer, toppled slowly across the front end of the space vehicle. All was motionless and silent. Then a hatch door in the front of the ship slowly opened.