Chapter 21: Bomb Threat

In the Tootville High School boys bathroom, Reginald was at one of the sinks putting on make-up. A guy had to look his best all the time these days. Stretch clumsily pushed open the bathroom door, entered and stood at a urinal. With his arms in casts, he could not unzip his pants. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed another figure in the bathroom. “Hey, buddy,” he said, “Would you unzip me?”
Reginald immediately paused from his task and looked over at Stretch. “Darling,” he crooned. “I thought you’d never ask.” Too late, Stretch realized his mistake. As he looked on in horror, the horse of a different color advanced on him.
Outside the bathroom, Tommy raced down the school hallway, pulled a fire alarm and dashed into Principal Dood’s office. The principal was nowhere in sight. With the fire alarm sounding, Tommy grabbed the microphone and began to speak. “Attention all students. Attention all students. There is a bomb somewhere in the school building set to go off in sixty seconds. Please proceed calmly to the nearest exit. I repeat. Please proceed calmly to the nearest exit.”
There was mass madness as students shoved, flailed and fought their way out of the classrooms toward the school exits. Stretch, emerging from the bathroom with lipstick covering his face, was mown down by the mad, screaming mob. Students threw themselves from upper level windows. Two-ton Tilly smashed her way through the wall of the building. Panic stricken students poured through the huge hole and dashed to their designated emergency gathering place in the front parking lot. Police cars and fire trucks streamed into the parking lot that was now jammed with milling, frightened students. Firemen scurried to hook up hoses. Captain McBust, bullhorn in hand, stood talking to Principal Dood near a group of kids. Stretch was in the group, disheveled and dirty from his encounter with the students in the hall. His face bore the mark of a shoeprint.
“Is everyone out of the building?” Captain McBust asked Principal Dood.
“We think so, but there’s no way of telling for sure in this mess.”
“Has anybody actually seen the Dinkle kid?”
Stretch piped up. “I saw him coming out of the principal’s office, sir, as I was assisting less courageous students to exit the building.”
“So he is in there,” said the captain, “and he may have a weapon.” Captain McBust spoke into his bullhorn to the group of kids standing close to him. “You kids move back!” Then, lowering the bullhorn, he directed his words to some fellow officers. “Men, the killer is inside. Surround the building and consider him armed and dangerous.”
Inside the now empty school building, Tommy opened the door and quietly slipped into Miss Limburger’s classroom. Miss Limburger stood next to the classroom coat closet, holding something behind the open door. She seemed unperturbed by the fire alarm and the evacuation of the high school students. “Any luck yet in tracking down your alien killer?”
Tommy sat down on the edge of a desk. “As a matter of fact, yes.”
“Congratulations. Now tell me, Thomas. Who is the monster in disguise?”
Tommy drew his blaster and rested it casually in his lap as he eyed Miss Limburger. “You are.”
Miss Limburger eyed Tommy with amusement in her eyes. “What makes you so sure that I’m your killer?”
“You had me fooled at first. Those crocodile tears you shed when Lardo gave his recitation were very convincing. But you made one mistake.”
Miss Limburger’s eyes narrowed slightly as she asked, “And what was that?”
“The first time you called me you used the name Thomas. It didn’t register until today–but you, Miss Limburger, are the only person who has ever called me Thomas. You’re the one I’m after.”
Tommy stood, raised the blaster and pointed it at Miss Limburger.
“Zon may pick good ones, but not good enough.” Miss Limburger pulled an ashen-faced Fishface out of the closet and used her as a shield. “Go ahead. Pull the trigger,” she said in a taunting voice.
Tommy, with his finger on the trigger, hesitated.
“Tommy, help me,” Linda pleaded.
Tommy took careful aim and squeezed the trigger of his laser gun. The blaster made a beeping noise and emitted a shower of little sparks.
Miss Limburger gazed at the miniature fireworks show. “It’s a toy.” She began to laugh maniacally and as she laughed she grew taller, broader and scaly until the metamorphosed, alien shapeshifter stood before Tommy. “They’ll blame her death on you, too,” the shapeshifter growled.
“Over my dead body!” Tommy hurled the useless blaster with all his might and struck the alien in the face. Fishface, taking advantage of the distraction, lunged and broke free from the grasp of the creature and ran toward Tommy, who flung open the classroom door. “Run!” he yelled.
Fishface raced through the door. Tommy was about to follow, but the alien picked up a desk and flung it toward the youth, knocking him to the ground in the doorway. Fishface hesitated and then started back toward Tommy. “Run!” Tommy yelled again. Fishface stood looking at Tommy in terror as he was dragged back into the classroom by the alien. “Get help!”
Fishface turned and raced down the hallway toward the exit. The shapeshifter jerked Tommy to his feet as if he were nothing more than a rag doll and with a huge, claw-like alien hand pinned him up by the throat against the classoom wall. “I’m going to enjoy ripping your eyes out.”
Tommy knew his number was up. It was time to play his last card. “Hey, that’s okay. I can handle that. But, listen. Please don’t spit on my daisy.”
The shapeshifter, not detecting the fear in Tommy’s voice that he had expected, continued. “I’m going to slice you open and watch your insides run out all over the floor.”
“That’s cool. That’s cool,” Tommy replied as if he were talking to an old, trusted friend. “But whatever you do, don’t spit on my daisy. It’s the supreme earth insult.”
The alien glared at Tommy for what seemed like several seconds and then mockingly launched a huge, wet glob of space spit directly onto the pink daisy that Tommy wore on his shirt. Tommy and the alien disappeared in a tremendous explosion that completely demolished one side of the school building.