Just as Mr. Pitts stepped onto the walkway, the door to the Frosty Mug Tavern swung open, and out from the noisy eatery exited three jolly dwarfs. In a flash Mr. Pitts rose up on his tiptoes and hurdled himself forward, looking as if he were performing a well-choreographed ballet leap. Masterfully he landed with his long arm stretched out and his hand firmly placed on the door’s side holding it open. Straight away the three dwarfs pinched their noses, turned, and glared up at Mr. Pitts, showing miserable faces. “Phewub! Hab ye noticed lately that moost sentinels carry eh puhn stench aboot them?” complained one dwarf.
Simultaneously the dwarfs nodded in agreement and stomped away. With the foul smell laying in wait before them, Jacob and Emalynn held their breath and courageously bolted past Mr. Pitts. Once inside the tavern they immediately distanced themselves from his stench.
“Why don’t you come with me?” cried Mr. Pitts, attempting to waive them back over as he headed toward the counter. A group of dwarfs standing in front of him covered their noses and scurried out of his way, leaving his pathway free and clear. Content on being out of harms way, Jacob and Emalynn ignored his invite and sat down at a nearby table to safely wait it out.
From the next table over Jacob heard grumbling dwarfs complaining about a gasconading monkey loose in the tavern. Immediately he felt an urge to hide under the table, but ignoring his gut feeling he choose to test the waters first and scan the room. Within moments he had spotted the gasconading Lynex in the far corner of the tavern. Sitting at a table of ripened old dwarfs he was jabbering away at the haplessly seniors, while they rested their heads on the table with eyes closed, as if forcibly bored to sleep. The Lynex froze mid-sentence, turned his head toward Jacob, and smiled.
“That’s uncanny, it’s as if he can smell me,” mumbled Jacob, realizing that it was now too late to hide. Once the Lynex had tagged somebody for his self-centered bravado there was no escaping it. Without invite the Lynex stood up and gleefully skipped towards Jacob. A sudden applause broke loose from the table, as the elderly dwarfs were now wide eyed and cheering in high spirits.
“Who can smell you?” asked Emalynn, as she looked toward the clapping dwarfs. “Oh look, it’s our cute little friend.”
“Lynex,” called Emalynn in a kind voice, as he approached, “we’re heading out on our first field trip, would you like to join us?”
“The great Lynex is always wanted,” cried the Lynex smugly. “But first I shall make the announcement to all my new friends. I know that they will all be disappointed when they hear that I am leaving.” With that said he puffed out his chest and strutted over to an empty table in the center of the room where briskly he climbed up onto the wobbly platform. After positioning his feet in a wide stance, he stretched out his arms and began shouting, “FRIENDS, ALL MY WONDERFUL FRIENDS HERE AT THE FROSTY MUG TAVERN! I KNOW THAT YOU ALL WANT TO HEAR MORE ABOUT ME, BUT I AM LEAVING NOW AS I AM NEEDED ELSEWHERE. I PROMISE YOU ALL THAT I WILL AGAIN RETURN SOMEDAY, SO YOU CAN ONCE MORE LOOK FORWARD WITH RENEWED HOPE TO MY COMING.”
Thunderous cheers and applause echoed throughout the room, while customers nodded their heads in agreement and continued to aggressively clap.
In response the Lynex proudly hopped to the floor and again threw out his chest. Taking long strides with his chest held out as far as possibly, he marched back towards Jacob. “Only the greatest lynex ever can have such devoted admirers!” he bragged.
By now Mr. Pitts had thanked Mrs. Oubladew for their picnic lunches and was waving them over. Reluctantly they gave up their safe position and slowly made their way to the counter, where they were once again forced to hold their breath and quickly gather up the picnic baskets. Then with their arms loaded, they accompanied Mr. Pitts to the door while desperately burying their noses securely into the baskets of delicious victuals to mask over the stench.
The Lynex marching behind them placed both of his hands over his nose, “What is that horrible stench?” he irritatedly questioned.
“Mr. Pitts ate some dwarf puhn cheese,” answered Emalynn, muffling her reply with her face now halfway buried inside her basket.
“Oh Hobble cheese, no wonder,” said the Lynex, giving a nod of understanding.
Upon stepping outside the tavern onto the boardwalk, they dropped well behind Mr. Pitts to keep a safe distance. Mr. Pitts without noticing their separation marched them down Main Street towards the town’s stables, where his wagon and horses were waiting out front hitched and ready to depart. As soon as they arrived, the apprentices handed the picnic baskets off to Mr. Pitts and quickly stepped back. Jacob was first to climb aboard the wagon, followed by the Lynex and then Emalynn, while Mr. Pitts busied himself by leaning into the wagon’s back hovel to secure their lunches for a jostling ride ahead.
“I hope there’s a strong breeze on the way,” said Emalynn, holding up both hands with her fingers crossed.
“I hope it is a cyclone,” said the Lynex, still pinching his nose.
With a loud ‘BANG,’ Mr. Pitts slammed the back door shut and stepped around to the front of the wagon. Immediately he climbed onto the wooden rung and boosted himself up to roost next to Jacob. With a cheerful smile he reached down, snatched up the reins, and released the brake handle by giving it a quick yank. “Giddee-up there horses,” he shouted, snapping the reins up and down and exhaling his putrid breath over the poor animal’s backs.
Together the horses reared up, as if all simultaneously bitten by horseflies, and unpleasantly brayed back their disgust. With one hand Emalynn and the Lynex held onto the wooden seat for support, while Jacob covered his nose with both his hands. The wagon jerked forward and Jacob fell backwards, bumping his head hard against the wagons’ cabin.
“Ouch!” he cried out, rubbing his head with one free hand and the other still covering his nose.
“A perfect day for a picnic,” said Emalynn, facing away from Mr. Pitts, “until now I never really appreciated the freshness of the open air before.”
“Me either,” agreed Jacob, now pulling up his shirt over his nose.
“It’s amazing what a little glob of cheese can do for you!” exclaimed Mr. Pitts. “Thanks to its wonderful aromatic tang my nostrils are as clear as a brand new soda straw, and I can now easily smell the sweet scent of wild flowers drifting in from over the nearby hills.”
“It smell’s like the flowers we’re planted by Hobble,” added the Lynex with his nose tightly covered.
Mr. Pitts reached through a hatch into the back of his wagon and rummaged his hand through the piles of junk. A smile of delight radiated on his face as he pulled out his mandolin. “Righteoo, the delicious puhn cheese and beautiful morning has put me in just the right mood, so you’re in for a real treat,” he said, handing the reins off to Jacob, who passed them onto Emalynn. “OOOHHH!” he began to wheeze in an unpleasant voice. “It’s time for another one of my enjoyable tunes on my magical fortune telling mandolin!” Vigorously he began strumming, and in a croaking voice he began to sing,
“AN OGRE IS AN UGLY THING, THAT MAKES YOU COVER YOUR EYES,
AND WHEN THEIR VOLCANIC MAGMA SEEPS, YOU HAD BETTER LEAP THAN FRY,
AN OGRE’S CLUB IS HIS PROTECTION, AND HE CAN SWAT YOU LIKE A FLY,
SPREADING YOUR GUTS ALL OVER THE PLACE––JUST LIKE A SMASHED APPLE
PIE.
WHOOAAA…
Carried away with his own singing he began stomping a foot on the floorboard, and loudly the horses snorted back, as if annoyed.
“A FAIRY IS A TINY THING, THAT MAKES YOU WANT TO SING,
AND IF THEY FLY OVERHEAD, YOU HAD BETTER WATCH OUT FOR THEIR WINGS—”
Unable to bear anymore Jacob stuck his fingers tight in his ears, making sure his shirt still stayed securely over his nose. The Lynex tugged on his arm and shouted loudly over Mr. Pitts’ wailing. “MASTER PRINCE.”
“WHAT IS IT LYNEX?” hollered back Jacob.
“HOW MUCH LONGER DOES YOUR GREAT ENCHANTER BLOOD TELL YOU WE HAVE TO SUFFER?”
“FOR THEIR WINGS ARE PACKED WITH LIGHTNING, AND WILL SHOOT OUT A DANGEROUS STING,
RAISING BUMPS ALL OVER YOUR HEAD ––AND CROWNING YOU A KING.
WHAAAAOOOOOOOO….”
“DUNNO, BUT I SURE HOPE HE FINISHES IT SOON!”
“ME TOO!” screamed Emalynn. “I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS!”
Suddenly with a loud metallic jangle Mr. Pitts’ fingers jerked to a stop, and a hurt expression formed on his face, as if he were about to cry.
“Well, I—I just thought you’d enjoy a good feisty prophetic song that’s all, but—I guess I was mistaken. Don’t worry Lynex my song is over now,” mumbled Mr. Pitts, continuing his downcast frown. He reached into the back of the wagon returning his magical mandolin, and then took the reigns back from Emalynn, while sulkingly showing them an inconsolable frown.
It didn’t take long for them to reach the falls, although for the unfortunate passengers it seemed like an eternity. And before the wagon was able to come to a complete stop, everyone except for Mr. Pitts had jumped to the ground in search of unsullied air. Mr. Pitts however continued on for a few more yards to park the wagon under the shade of a large tree.
“Mmm nothing like healthy clean fresh air,” he said, profusely sniffing the breeze. Then with a graceful bounce, he alighted down from off the wagon. “Righteoo, since I’m still full from my marvelous puhn cheese and my nostrils are wonderfully clear, I think I shall take a splendid stroll to smell the scent of the various flowers in the area. Why don’t you all get that lunch out and find yourselves a nice spot for a picnic. Go ahead and start in without me on our delicious meal and I’ll join up with you later.”
Hungry and eager to separate themselves, they quickly unloaded the baskets and set out in search of the perfect spot. It was Emalynn who found a small grassy clearing located just off the water, presenting a breathtaking view of the falls.
They spread out their blanket and set a basket down on each of the corners to prevent the sides folding over from the breeze. Then sitting together in the center, they opened the surrounding baskets and began appraising their options. After some thought, they each selected a helping from an assortment of dwarf dumplings and a variety of chicken with four different types of basted sauces. Next they took up brown bottles of ice-cold Celser Whiff, uncorked the tops, and brought them together making sharp clinking sounds.
“To the fresh air,” said Emalynn in toast, followed by everyone gulping down hearty swigs.
“PIPPITY, PIP, PIP, KABANG,” brutally erupted from the Lynex’s rear, scenting the area with a pleasant apple strawberry fragrance. For several minutes Jacob and Emalynn roared with laughter as they sniffed the sweet air. After finishing their pleasantries they then began to devour their food.
“I know, I know, it must be hard for everyone not to think about me all the time,” said the Lynex with his mouth half-full. “That is why I always smell so nice.”
“I bet you even thought of yourself,” said Emalynn. “That’s why the bang was so loud.”
“Greatness begets greatness,” replied the Lynex with a smile.
Before long Jacob found himself leaning back on his elbows relaxing with a full stomach. As he gazed up at the beautiful glistening falls, he gradually fell into a satisfied trance. A wide band of water plummeted down a forty-foot bluff splashing into a crystal blue pool. He found the view to be both peaceful and hypnotic. Not far from the falls the tarn was draining off into a narrow river that snaked out for several hundred more yards before disappearing off into a nearby forest. He began to reminisce how the Chatter River had also wound its way through the lonesome hills near Ridgeway. It was in those hills that he had spent much of his time, often with Uncle Clair fishing the nooks and bends of the river. He wondered how the fishing was here, and what sort of strange fish he might be able to catch in this dimension. “It may be worthwhile investing in a fishing pole to find out,” he considered, as he dreamily gazed at the river and then back up at falls. Suddenly he noticed a man half-way up the falls balancing on a thin rocky overhang that extended to the edge of the cascading water. “Look up there!” he cried, pointing. “Isn’t that Mr. Pitts going behind the waterfall?”
“What’s he doing up there?” questioned Emalynn.
“Dunno, but I bet there’s something he’s not telling us. Let’s go find out!”
Without delay they left their food and rushed toward the falls, eager to discover what Mr. Pitts’ real motive may be for coming. They climbed up the hill side as fast as they could, and soon reached the ridge where they had last been seen Mr. Pitts. Without a word they both hesitated, staring at the thin ledge and the frigid water below, knowing full well that they would surely be risking an icy plunge if they crossed.
“I’ll take the lead,” bravely shouted Jacob, over the roar of the water.
But before he could step out onto the ledge the Lynex cried, “No I will be the brave hero today and make sure there is no danger ahead!” Without hesitation the Lynex darted in front of Jacob and scurried across to disappear out of sight behind the wall of water.
“Well if it’s that easy,” cried Emalynn, “than I’m next.”
“Yea a cinch for a monkey,” shouted Jacob, still feeling anxious.
Slowly and cautiously Emalynn stepped out onto the narrow shelf followed close by Jacob. The wind blew a wet mist over their faces soaking the slick mossy ledge. Almost immediately Emalynn screamed as her foot slid across the edge, and instinctively Jacob reached out to her, grasping her hand in the nick of time to reel her back in from near disaster.
“Good save Jacob,” she gasped in shrill voice, as she tightly hugged the wall.
He looked down at her hand clasping his, and felt his face turn red. There was something kind of nice about it and he sort of liked it. “Hold on,” he suddenly realized, coming abruptly to his senses. “This is Emalynn I’m holding hands with!” Vigorously he shook his hand to free himself from her grasp and reluctantly she let go. “That was awful,” he thought next, wondering what could have ever possessed him to think it was so nice.
Gingerly Emalynn continued on, and inch-by-inch they shifted their feet, slowly moving ahead until they both finally squeezed safely behind the water. Once behind the falls they stepped out of the light into a dark narrow crevice. The fissure measured roughly twelve feet deep by eight feet wide, sealed at the end with moldy red brick. Mr. Pitts and the Lynex were cheerfully standing beside the wall, looking back at them.
“HELLO THERE!” shouted Mr. Pitts over the roar of the water. “I’M GLAD YOU COULD JOIN ME. THIS CAVE HASN’T BEEN USED SINCE ANCIENT TIMES. IT WAS ONCE USED FOR TRAINING APPRENTICES LIKE YOURSELVES. AND BEHIND THIS VERY WALL THE ANCIENTS KEPT THE BOOK OF GALEEKY. HOWEVER IT WAS SEALED OVER A HUNDRED YEARS AGO, AND SINCE THEN NO ONE HAS EVER SET FOOT INSIDE. NOBODY KNOWS WHY IT WAS SEALED AND I’VE OFTEN PONDERED OVER THIS MYSELF, WONDERING IF THERE’S ANYTHING OF VALUE BEHIND IT? SOMEDAY SOON WHEN NO ONE‘S AROUND, I PLAN TO SNEAK BACK HERE AND BREAK IT DOWN TO FIND OUT!”
Jacob had expected something more exciting than a sealed cave, and sadly disappointed he stared at the brick wall. All they had to show for their risking an icy wet plunge was a view of an old brick wall. “Can’t we break it down now and see?” he asked, hoping at least to do something fun.
“Yes, let’s break it down now,” eagerly agreed Emalynn.
“Sorry, I didn’t bring the proper tools,” replied Mr. Pitts, “but maybe next time.”
Disappointedly they made their way back across the ridge without incident, and with Mr. Pitts in the lead they started down the incline towards their picnic victuals.
“Mr. Pitts,” asked Emalynn, stepping up to hike by his side, “what do you suppose is behind the wall? Do you think there could be anything enchanted inside?”
He glanced back down at her with a smile, and exclaimed, “Why yes indeedee I certainly do! It has to be something of great importance, or else they wouldn’t have gone to all that trouble of sealing it shut.”
“Whew! Your breath really stinks,” complained Emalynn, waving her hand in front of her nose to emphasize the point. “You really need something to suck on! Would you like to try one of my delicious pineapple drops?”
“Thanks, don’t mind if I do,” he replied.
Emalynn quickly turned her head gasping for air. “When we break in there,” she then asked, “can we keep whatever we find?”
“I don’t see why not,” responded Mr. Pitts, “as long as it’s not too dangerous.”
With her breath held again, she faced Mr. Pitts and presented a piece of candy placed in her outstretched palm. Unsuspectingly Mr. Pitts accepted the treat, and while showing a trusting and eager grin, he removed the clear wrapping from the brown confection.
“This is one of my favorite candies,” said Emalynn, turning her head again to take another breath.
“Mmmnnn! This does look delicious, and it smells just like a fresh pineapple,” he said, popping it into his mouth and nodding his head in approval. “Where’d you get this delightful confection?”
“At the Frosty Mug Tavern,” answered Emalynn.
“Mmmnnn! I’ll have to remember that.”
Wanting a better view of the action Jacob quickly stepped up to walk on the opposite side of Mr. Pitts, and just as he had hoped for Mr. Pitts’ head had already began to inflate. Unbelievably the candy’s enchantment was working, and struggling to contain his laughter he covered his mouth, sporadically flinching while Mr. Pitts’ head continued to billow up to three times its original size. He could see Mr. Pitts’ skin now crusting over, resembling a light hard brown sun-ripened pineapple shell and his lips, ears, and nose shriveling up like tiny raisins, until eventually they vanished from off his head. Across his crown his dark black hair gathered together, mutating into green leafy foliage that continued to grow until it stretched clear over the top of his amplified skull. In short order, a huge pineapple headed Mr. Pitts stood liplessly grinning at them with gleamy yellow teeth. “I don’t know about you,” he said happily, “but suddenly I’ve got an odd feeling like I’m a tropical fruit.”
“You mean you feel like doing the hula,” asked Emalynn, giggling.
“Yes, isn’t that strange. Something just like that!”
Abruptly Mr. Pitts commenced foolishly wiggling his waist and waving his arms, dancing and humming in sync with his movements. Emalynn covered her mouth trying to hold in her chortling, while Jacob burst out laughing in loud guffaws.
“Whapp!” a sudden piercing slap across Jacob’s back neck broke his buoyant mood, and abruptly he fell forward. A sharp pain then exploded at the base of his skull; something had bitten him from behind. Quickly regaining his footing he turned to look and saw a large black bird with the neck and head of a snake fall past his shoulders, tumbling over the ground. An arrow had pierced straight through the animal’s body to land it only a few feet from his side.
A shout echoed through the hills, and they turned to see. On an adjacent hillside, a short stocky man dressed in a ruffled red shirt and wearing blue pants recklessly scampered towards them. His long red hair wafted behind his head with the breeze, and his rounded read beard jiggled up and down with each stride. In his hand he was clutching a crossbow.
“ARE YOU ALL RIGHT SON? DID IT BITE YOU?” hollered the approaching stranger.
Mr. Pitts rushed forward and knelt down over the black creature. Carefully he poked and prodded it with a finger, while Jacob reached up and felt the back of his neck.
“Hold still Jacob and let me take a look,” said Emalynn, pulling down his back collar to get a closer look. “Yes, it did bite him,” she replied in a trembling voice. “I can see two red puncture wounds.”
“It’s a zatsen!” exclaimed Mr. Pitts.
“GADZORKS! IS THAT YOU MR. PITTS?” shouted the stranger at hearing his voice.
“WHY OF COURSE IT IS!” he exclaimed, with a somber pineapple expression.
“SORRY, I DIDN’T RECOGNIZE YOUR NEW LOOK. WE HAVE TO GET THIS LAD TO MY COTTAGE RIGHT AWAY!” shouted the distressed stranger. “THERE’S NOT A MOMENT TO LOSE!”