JACOB FROST Chapter 18; Part 1 – The Gobzards

By the time Jacob, Emalynn, and the Lynex had made it back to Dallanbach, crowds were beginning to gather at the Frosty Mug Tavern, ushering in glorious victory celebrations. They passed by the tavern unnoticed, making their way to the boarding house. There they planned to drop off their gear first and afterwards get a quick bite to eat. Jacob turned and gaped at the excited crowds; he had never imagined that they would be returning back to Sentinel Village as clandestine DCR champions, but at least they would get some congratulations from Mum and maybe the phoenix for their glorious victory.

“I’ll go ahead and save us a place at the Mug,” said the Lynex, as he darted off, impolitely pushing and squeezing his way into the mass of people outside the tavern.

The apprentices rushed to the boarding house and as they entered Emalynn blurted loudly, “I won, I won the DCR!”

Mum hurriedly rushed out of the kitchen with her arms spread open, and Jacob cautiously stepped behind Emalynn. “I saw it all on the big screen downtown. You were both so wonderful!” she exclaimed, burying Emalynn in her broad embrace.

“Well we got to hurry and go eat!” cried Jacob as he darted up the stairs, delighted that he had narrowly escaped Mum’s mollycoddling. He entered his room excited to tell the phoenix about their victory, but to his dismay the phoenix was out. “Must be enjoying an evening of bug grubbing,” he thought disappointed, as he tossed his DCR equipment onto the floor. He glanced at his dresser top and surprisingly noticed the Galeeky Stone Seal resting on the corner. “Why would he leave the seal here unguarded?” he thought, as a dreadful thought flashed through his mind. “Golly! Did he leave me? Could this mean he won’t be around to protect it anymore?”

Feeling confused he slowly picked up the seal and placed it in his pocket. He then walked to the window and closed it, wondering what could have ever possessed his friend to leave so suddenly and to not say goodbye. “Maybe it’s only for only a short while, maybe that’s why he didn’t say good-bye,” he pondered, trying to cheer himself up. Already longing for his return, he reopened the window just in case.

“Ready to eat Jacob?” boomed Emalynn from outside his door, followed by an impatient knock.

Jacob slowly opened the door and sadly reported, “Yeah—but the phoenix left.”

“Oh he’s gone? Where to?”

“Dunno, but he left the stone seal on my dresser.”

“Well I hope he comes back soon,” said Emalynn, giving Jacob a sympathetic look.

“Yeah, me too. I already miss him.”

Without saying a word to each other they headed over to the Frosty Mug Tavern. By now the tavern had become completely overrun with racing fans. They dove into the crowd that surrounded the tavern and physically pushed their way to the door to squeeze inside. The entire floor was a tight cluster of people toasting and chattering about the day’s events and their new champion Tolip Degniw. Nearly all of the celebrating customers were dwarf women, and it was obvious that they had been gathering here hoping to catch a glimpse of their new champion. Jacob spotted the Lynex standing on top of a corner table, heartily waving both arms in the air. With an overhead wave Jacob responded back. He then pushed his way through the crowd, opening a tapered path for Emalynn to follow close behind.

“Since I am great, I have already ordered your dinners,” shouted the Lynex, cheerfully. “Otherwise you would have to wait long into the night.”

“Thanks,” said Jacob reaching the table first and sitting down. “What did you order?”

“Stuffed fish surprise,” he replied, as he climbed down from off the table and sat in a chair.

“What’s that?” asked Emalynn, pulling out her chair.

“No one ever knows. It is a surprise. Last time inside my fish I found a sock,” replied the Lynex. He held up his foot and pointed at a red and green plaid sock.

“Nice,” complimented Emalynn.

“Thank you. Maybe I will be lucky again tonight and get the matching one for my other foot.”

“I could do with a new pair too,” said Jacob. He slipped his shoe off and placed his foot on the table for show. From the tip of his sock his big toe stuck out of a large hole.

“That’s gross Jacob!” exclaimed Emalynn, and with a quick swipe she scooped up her fork and poked his foot.

“Ouch!” he cried, jerking his foot down. “Hey that was mean!”

“Feet don’t belong on the table. Now what I need,” continued Emalynn, as she switched her fork with his, “is a new hairbrush or maybe one of those big toe nail clippers.”

Jacob rubbed his sore foot, anxiously looking over the crowds for any sign of a waiter.

“Doesn’t this remind you of the finish line,” he shouted over the chatter.

“I know, it’s just as noisy around here,” cried Emalynn, with a nod.

In due course a raised tray of food appeared floating towards them, passing like a boat over the boisterous ocean of partying fans.

“WE WANT THEE CHAMPION, BRING OUT YER CHAMPION!” “WHERE’S TOLIP DEGNIW? BRING OUT TOLIP!” cried the fans, as Mr. Oubladew pushed his way through the crowd with his arm raised above their heads, carrying three suppers.

At length Mr. Oubladew reached their table, and Jacob could see him grimacing from the tension of servicing the overwhelming crowds. He took the plates of plump broiled fish from off the tray and placed them onto the table. After a miserable sigh he grumbled, “Female racing fans tar thee woorst!”

“I bet this is a big change from last year,” said Jacob, sliding his dinner in front of him.

“But Mr. Oubladew,” questioned Emalynn. “Don’t you want all this business?”

“Tonight I twill be eh grumbling! But tomorrow when I count thee profit I twill be content!” he exclaimed grumpily. He then abruptly turned and left with the tray tucked under his elbow and his fingers placed in his ears, and once again the crowd chanted as he passed by, “WE WANT TOLIP! WE WANT TOLIP…”

“My fingers are still numb from all those autographs I signed,” complained Emalynn, shaking her hand. “It hurts when I hold my fork. But that doesn’t mean you can stick your foot on the table again Jacob, I’ve still got enough strength left to poke it.” “I guess I was the lucky one after all,” said Jacob with a grin. He picked up his fork and twirled it in his hand.

The Lynex stretched out his arms and then gazed at his palms. “Look at these calluses I developed over the years from the millions of autographs I have signed. Once you are famous it never stops. Now that you have experienced a touch of what it is like to be great, you know just how miserable I always feel.” He shook his head and picked up his fork with a sigh, “It is not easy being the greatest of all lynexs.”

“So when you gonna use the barbary lamb bones,” asked Jacob, eagerly cutting into his fish.

“As soon as they arrive, I will positively prove that the magistrate’s working for that bum Lacsar!”

“I GOT UNDERWEAR!” shouted the Lynex, holding up a moist red pair of boxer shorts, dripping in fish grease. “JUST WHAT I NEEDED!”

Jacob spread his fish apart with his fork and caught a glimpse of something shinny. Eagerly he dug his fork into the fish and pulled out a shinny silver doohickey.

“Nifty, what is it?” he happily asked.

“Toenail clippers,” said the Lynex.

“Oh, can I trade with you Jacob?” begged Emalynn, seeing her coveted surprise.

“Maybe,” he replied. “Let’s see what you get first.”

Emalynn picked up her knife and fork and sliced open her fish. “NOOO! LOOK WHAT I GOT! IT LOOKS LIKE A REAL PEARL NECLACE! OH IT IS, IT IS! THIS WILL LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL WITH MY NEW DRESS!” she cried in a high pitched voice. She wiped the oily fish grease off her new necklace with her napkin and quickly placed it around her neck. “Oh thank you Lynex for ordering me stuffed fish surprise!”

The Lynex held out his chest beaming.

“Maybe you should thank the Oubladew’s. I’m sure they gave it to you to show their appreciation for winning the DCR,” said Jacob.

“Your right!” exclaimed Emalynn. She quickly stood up and turned to leave. “I’m going to fight the crowd and find them right now to thank them!”

After Jacob finished his fish, he realized that his dinner had tasted better than it had in a long time. Even though fish wasn’t anything special, he was still hungry and so satisfied with the day that anything would have tasted great. After the others had finished clearing off their plates, they decided it best to leave. The loud chatter and the smell from the barrels of burped and gassed Celser Whiff were starting to get disgusting. They left their table and fought their way back through the crowds towards the front door where they sprung into the cool evening air, heading back towards the boarding house.

“I’m glad it’s not crowded like that all the time,” said Emalynn, shaking her head. “It was really noisy in there.”

“Yeah, and I’m glad the Lynex went ahead and ordered our dinner, otherwise we’d still be waiting.”
Upon hearing his praise, the Lynex held out his chest.

“Look Jacob, aren’t those gobzards in front of the boarding house?” questioned Emalynn, pointing.

“I wonder what they’re doing here. I’ve never seen a gobzard outside of the castle before.”

“I bet the magistrates insisted they come here to beg me for some barbary lamb bones?”

“I wouldn’t put it past him.”

“Don’t you worry,” said the Lynex, flexing his muscles. “Just ignore them and walk by the ugly creatures. If they try anything funny I will punch their lights out!”

Warily they stepped past the six ferocious gobzards, nervously quickening their pace.

Panicking, the Lynex suddenly screamed, “RUN FOR IT GUYS!”

Jacob and Emalynn laughed loudly as they followed behind the scurrying Lynex and flew up onto the porch. With a little extra effort Jacob charged ahead to politely open the door for them, when suddenly he heard two earsplitting bangs and a muffled squeal. Whirling around to see what happened, he was surprised to find sprawled across the porch two wiggling golden cocoons. Out of nowhere a netter whirled over his head and exploded with another loud bang. A golden net plunged down over his body drawing in tight and constricting any possible movement. Bound solid, he could feel his muscles go limp and he fell out of control onto the porch’s floorboards next to Emalynn and the Lynex. Through the netter’s thin membrane he could see shadowy figures of gobzards drawing in close, and like ominous giants they towered over him. Abruptly one massive gobzard reached down, and with a single hand he picked him up by his ankles and stuffed him headfirst into a long canvas bag. Without mercy the gobzard then threw him over his shoulder and casually turned, walking back into the crowded street toward the castle.

Meanwhile, back inside the wild and noisy Frosty Mug Tavern, Mr. Pitts smiled as he lifted his mug of Celser Whiff. “Let’s toast to the best DCR champions Dallanbach has ever seen. To Jacob and Emalynn!”

“Here, here! Ta eh Jacob enn’ Emalynn!” said hobble, downing a vigorous gulp of the red liquid.

“I’m sure that they’ll be enjoying that!” exclaimed Mr. Pitts.

Hobble nodded with a content smile.

“Have you ever seen the Frosty Mug so crowded before?” asked Mr. Pitts.

“Only once,” said Hobble. “Thee day we opened enn’ eh gave away free food.”

“Look at this crowd, they’re all crying out to see my apprentices. Who’d have ever thought that those two could have pulled this off! By the way our adventure turned out today, I’d have to say that our string of bad luck has just ended. From now on I’m sure we’ll be having very providential times. Yes indeedeedo, things are really starting to look up for us now!”

“If anybody deserves fortuity, those two do. They hab thee heart enn’ courage of true dwarfs!”

“Righteoo, I have to agree with you there! Let’s give them another hearty toast and let them know of the good times ahead.”

The two raised their mugs, again bringing them together in an honored toast. “Ta eh Jacob enn’ eh Emalynn, may they booth whistle eh happy tune.”

They pressed the frosty mugs to their lips and quaffed another mouthful of Celser Whiff. Mr. Pitts wiped the foam from his mouth, and looked up, hearing his name called out. He turned around and saw a sentinel pushing his way through the crowd.

“Mr. Pitts! I’m glad I’ve found you!” exclaimed the sentinel. “We have a report from witnesses of a gobzard kidnapping.”

“A kidnapping?” questioned Mr. Pitts, sitting up straight. “Are you sure? A Gobzard kidnapping?”

“It was your apprentices and a monkey. Six gobzards were sighted carrying them off towards the castle.”

“Gadzorks!” exclaimed Mr. Pitts, jumping to his feet. “Another attempt to get Jacob! And taken to the castle! There’re so many nooks and crannies in that old place it could take days just to find them! And by then who knows what they’ll have done to them!”

“We already have a response team heading to the castle,” said the sentinel. “And more sentinels are orbing in to join in the search.”

“Hobble, let’s grab a couple cases of Celser Whiff and take them with us,” cried Mr. Pitts. “They maybe too well hidden to spot, but we can sound and sniff them out.”

“Aye! Eh brilliant Plan!”

A hard uncomfortable shoulder jabbed into Jacob’s stomach and he winced each time the gobzard took a bumpy step. Oddly each rough jolt made him gas with a loud Celser Whiff bang. From behind he could also recognize Emalynn’s high pitched Celser Whiff toot, and assumed that they were still together. The monster after each loud bang reacted by stopping and gathering with the whole group of gobzards. They then made loud sniffing snorts, as if they were collectively smelling the lingering fragrance. The more he gased with a loud Celser Whiff toot, the slower their pace became. Eventually he felt the gobzard climbing up steps, and above them he heard an excited voice cry out, “Excellent, you’ve got them! Hurry up and follow me inside!”

Upon reaching the top the gobzard quickened his stride, and Jacob could hear their footsteps echoing on a stone floor as they turned and twisted in different directions. “By golly, we’re in the castle,” he grasped, as they suddenly jerked to a stop. The gobzard’s huge hand gripped the bottom of the canvas bag and Jacob felt a sharp wrench as he flew out of the bag and slammed down hard onto the stone floor. The impact completely knocked the wind out of him, and he struggled to regain his breath. The room was dark, and he strained to see through the netter, gazing up at shadowy images of gobzards and a lone man standing over him.

“Well done! Well done! Now we can finish this!” the man exclaimed, as he held out a can spraying a clear liquid over the surface of Jacob’s netter.

The net began to melt away and Jacob felt some movement returning to his limbs. They were in a small windowless room. The walls were grey stone, and a single torch affixed next to a wooden door flickered with a dim glimmer of light that faintly illuminated the room. To his side he saw Emalynn’s and the Lynex’s golden cocoons stretched out over the floor.

“I’m glad you could make it Jacob.”

Jacob looked up instantly recognizing the rogue.

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